Shameless Request

I'm currently typing one handed and know I will cringe when I read this, but I have too do it as its something I really want to do more of.......

If anybody is interested in chatting on msn whilst myself or them or both of us are amusing ourselves then please add me to their msn contacts.

Please ignore this if you aren't interested, I know I'm a perv but I get turned on by admitting to I am wanking. I find it a relief.

Sorry

Back on line

I'm finally back online!!! yes!

Its been 2 months, but not too much has happened. The highlights have been:

1. Settling in to my new house.
2. Agreeing to live somewhere else as of September
3. Sorting it all out with F so we are now friends
4. Having F's friend who I had a drunken encounter (no sex, plus she was insane) with a while back tell F and a few other girls that I was "well equipped and seemed ready for action all night long"

I'm back to my usual now of looking around the Internet for something decent to shot my load over, and then doing it far too often.........

Yet Another One Handed Post

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Last Saturday Wankathon

As this is my last weekend in my current flat I'm having a final weekend wankathon. So far I've managed to jerk off 5 times today. I'm looking for at 15 times this weekend.

So as all you normal people go about your weekend busy just spare a thought for me tugging away in my flat for the last time.

What a wanker!

Non-Wanking Week

I managed to do the non-wanking week. From Sunday Morning until last night I didn't let myself jerk off. But last night when I got in I just had to fire off a couple of rounds before I went out. I listed all the benefits of not wanking for a while on my previous post:
http://manwithtwonames.blogspot.com/2007/02/week-away.html

But I'm still not back to normal on the hard-on front so I'm going to have to have a session this evening before I go out. I'll be unable to wear any jeans I own comfortably unless I get a few wanks in between now and 8pm when I go out. I spent Wednesday night having a few drinks with one of my favourite ever girls, SB and throughout I had a raging hard-on. What I would have given for her to just take me back to hers and relieve me of the pressure. I cant be like that tonight, so I'm off to find the tissues and get down to it.

I have few favourite things I like to think about whilst I'm tugging away, but here are my top blog related ones:

• Jenny X. Your bum and breasts, I'd love for you to let me spray my cum all over them
• VI. You could be the mature woman to show me how to get on in the sack.
• London Girl. I'd love to relieve you of your tension.

Yes as I've said before I am a pervert! But I find it great to be honest on this blog. Its my release (no pun intended), on Wednesday night I spent hours trying not to look down SB's top. She asked me what I though of her new clothes and I just wanted to tell her how round her great ass was, boobs looked, or how the colour of her top matched her beautiful eyes but I couldn't. At least on here I can be honest. I can admit I am a wanker who sits in front of his laptop stroking his cock.

New Place

I forgot to mention last night that I chose the place with6 other people. Not sure why I did, just went with my gut feeling. So its me and 2 other blokes sharing with 4 girls. I just hope I settle there and feel at home. The house is massive, as you would expect for somewhere that houses 7 people. there 3 bathrooms, 2 kitchens and 2 lounges set over 3 floors. My room is on the top floor so i should have some peace and quite when I want to be on my own.

There is a couple of issues that I think may change my lifestyle slightly, the house is very sociable so i don't think i will spend as much time in my room on my own. This couple with the fact the place has no Internet as of yet means my blogging and wanking will be greatly reduced. My priority is to get the Internet sorted out though.

I'm away with from today so i will not be able to blog until Thursday night. I might try and sue this week as another experiment in terms of saving it up. See here for the last time I tried this:
http://manwithtwonames.blogspot.com/2007/02/week-away.html

Stess

Everything seems to be on the up, but I'm still stressed to buggery.

I've decided where I'm living, I've put the deposit down. I've sorted most the issues at work out. But I'm still stressed and on edge I don't seem able to have 20 minutes where I don't have one attack of rage. Even a massive burn in the gym didn't help. I have no idea whats going on, my emotions seem very screwed up the last few weeks. I'm guessing this is either caused by my inability to sleep well or is causing my inability to just shut my eyes and kip. Is it possible for men to have some kind of hormone in balance like women?? I don't seem to be able to behave rationally for 2 days on the trot at the minute. Is a male period possible?? Is my brain making this up?? Has anybody else experienced this??

But I've figured out an idea way to relieve the stress. Its Saturday night, my flatmate has gone out so I've dug out my tissues and cracked open a beer. 3 or 4 tugs in between now and bed should de-stress me and hopefully cure my inability to get a good nights sleep.

The stupid thing is that a few good things have happened this week. B has realised trying to grab any man who is half interested wont make her happy. She has had a moment after her ex text her saying he had a hot new girl 9 years younger. She was surprisingly deep after 4 months of just needed a man to be interested. I'm guessing here, but maybe she:

1. Got laid on the sly.
2. Has got a new toy.
3. Decided that a massive amount of frigging will relieve her stress and worry.
4. Found god.
5. was right when I told her she was attractive and she can wait a few months or a year for the right guy to come along.

So B seems to be better. I really hope she is because we get on so well when she isn't depressed and convinced she isn't attractive. I don't have the ability to tell her she is attractive without sounding like i want to tear her pants off with my teeth. By the B is a hottie and shouldn't worry at all about her appearance.

I ended the working week on a high note. I gave F a lift to the train station. We laughed for 20 minutes non-stop as I drove her through the city. But I felt a little frustrated at the whole thing as we obvious get on but she wont go out with me. Then I realised all the sexual tension was down to me not wanking properly this week. I'm really happy we are now friends. She says I'm a nice guy and has promised that she'll stay in touch when she finishes her placement.

Life is good. I've got B sorted out a bit, I'm friends with F and have somewhere to live and to top it off I'm enjoying my Saturday night in alone!

Wank-Off

After managing to post a couple of non-sex posts and not having enough time to wank properly this week I'm well up for some hard action either tonight, tomorrow or as is traditional Saturday.

Anybody who fancies joining me in a wankathon then please let me me know by posting a comment or sending me an email. If anybody fancies it we even use msn.

This is perverted i know but I doubt I'm alone in wanting to have a competitive wanking competition!

I just off to have a look around on the Internet for something to cum over!

Housing Decision

I have to make a decision, which of the two pads I like do I take:

1. A newly built smart flat with two girls of a similar age to me. They seem lovely, the flat is really smart and in a great location.
2. A old Victorian House with 6 other people. The house is a bit ropey but having six other people around means it could be fun.

So on one hand there is a lovely homely flat with two really nice girls and the other there is a rough and ready place with six other people.

I'm totally undecided so if you could give me so help I'd be grateful!

Living With Girls

I'm moving flats and the chances are that I will end up living with girls. I've never done this and I'm apprehensive about a few things:

• Bathroom etiquette. I'm quite a tidy and don't smell, but I'd be worried of leaving things in a mess, the toilet seat and how long they spend in the bathroom.
• Periods. I don't understand these fully. My mate told me when women live together their periods synchronise. is this true?? Would living with girls be monthly torture?
• Wanking. Now obviously all men do it so you just don't mention it. But girls seem to find it hilarious. I am going to be laughed at if I nip off to my room when I get in from work or if I'm bored in front of the TV.
• Underwear. What about my flatmates leaving knickers, pants and bras drying in the living room. Is having a quick admire of these garments out of order.
• Dressing. What is it acceptable to wear around the house?? Me and my flatmate happily just wear boxers and maybe a t-shirt. But would girls not like this??

I feel a little naive to say the least!

I need some help and advice!

Pissed Up

I know I shouldn't be blogging after a night out, especially when I'm worse for wear. But i have a few negative thoughts going through my head and surprise surprise they are almost all about women:

1. I (B's flatmate) is in love with B's friend R. He is cool but I now hate him as I is great!
2. I chatted to SB online today, part of me loves her and always will. She has a grad job sorted for when she finishes uni. I also forgot it was her birthday so i text her to say happy birthday and she replied saying thanks with loads of kisses. I know its very stupid, but there is part of me that carries a torch for her. She is beautiful and has incredible breasts.
3. C. Why do I have to talk to her everyday online at work?? I wish i wasn't a cock about these things, I find myself telling her all kinds of personal crap. We now use each other as therapists and its getting to me!
4. B, what is our relationship. I don't mean here is something sexual about it. But some days we're so close, then we're not speaking and then I a pain in the arse mate to her just because I want another drink in a club. I love her as a friend and think the world of her, but i get the feeling I'm just somebody to tell her she is beautiful when she is feeling down.
5. I'm so jealous of A and J. I know that as I'm sat alone in my flat typing this they are asleep in A's bed, with A's head on J's chest and them both dreaming about each other.
6. I'm now worried I'll never ever get laid again. But like I always say, its not just sex. I wish i could find somebody like C to put her head on my chest and go to sleep telling em she feels, safe, comfortable, warm and protected by me.

Sorry. I'm in a shite negative mood. But cant be helped, I need a girlfriend/lover/love of my life/wife etc to sort this out!

Jenny's Bum!

Check this out: http://itsallinsideme.blogspot.com/2007/03/photo-fun.html

Jenny I worship your ass!

As my side of the deal: My Cock whilst admiring Jenny's Bum!

As you can guess from the photo, capturing the moment on camera isn't easy.

To be honest I'm starting to feel like a bit of a a perv about posting pics of my cock.

This blog is getting to be too much about sex and not what i wanted it to be when I started. Maybe I need to document more of the things like C that have happened to me in the past?

My First Proper Girlfriend - part 5

I'm sorry I have finished off the story of me and C, but I've been so busy. But now I've had a few hours today to think about how great it was when we were together and amazing it was.

After me and C first had sex we couldn't stop. I remember the day after we first had full on sex. we woke up as the alarm went off. But C leaned over and switched it off, her breasts appearing from under the duvet as she reached over me. She then put her head back on my chest and just stared into my eyes, after a minute or two she lifted her head up and we kissed. She then whispered in my ear how much she had enjoyed the night before. I again felt like a king, gods gift to women and a true hero!

That day at work J emailed me to say well done and also thank me for finally giving C the male attention she needed. I replied saying the pleasure was all mine and asked for some advice on how to play it with C. She said i should go for it as C wouldn't shut about me, so I decided to see what C was doing that night. She said that maybe she should come over to mine.

So C drove me and her from work to my flat. As we walked in my flatmates were laughing their heads off at us. But C was not having any of it, asking why they were laughing and telling them they were jealous of me and her! That just made me fancy her even more, we slipped into my room to get ready to go out for dinner and dancing. As she was getting changed I sat on the bed and watched her, she knew she was turning me on and started to tease. Slowly removing her clothes and then coming over and kissing me whilst just in her bra and pants. She sat on my lap so that her thigh was against the rock hard cock in my work trousers. She unbuttoned my shirt, pulled my trousers off and started to rub my dick. I asked if she "fancied going for it", and she just replied with "no that can wait". C then told me we were about to head into town and it was light so i could walk down the street with my cock in its "prime position". So she moved her hands faster and faster over my cock until I couldn't take anymore and I fired everywhere. She then smiled to herself and asked me to get dressed and leave so she could change her underwear. I asked why i couldn't stay and she said "my underwear is a surprise for you to see later".

After a dinner spent playing footsie and holding hands we headed off to a club that played cheesy pop music so we could dance like a couple of idiots for a couple of hours before we headed home. We decided to get a cab home as it was quicker, but there were no cabs. So we stood in a queue and then C shocked the life out of me by moving back so her bum was against my erection. She then reached her hand onto the lump in the front of my pants. As I stood there in a queue for a taxi whilst C rubbed my erection I just felt like my life could get no better. But it did.

Eventually a cab showed up and we jumped in. This time we showed a bit of restraint and just kissed on the ride home. when we got back I was glad to find my flatmates hadn't waited up. We headed straight into my room, me pressing C up against the back of the door as was becoming one of favourite things. We kissed and I fumbled at her breasts and bum and she ground her hip Bone against my cock.

I then got hold of C and moved her to the bed, at first we just sat kissing on the edge and then we moved back on it and then something weird happened. C jumped up as she could feel something under my duvet. My flatmates had left us some surprises in my bed:

• A tube of KY jelly
• some condoms, flavoured and ribbed. all the ones we were too embarrassed to buy
• A can of spray cream
• A porno DVD

So me and C were there on my bed with all the crap my flatmates had left there. Luckily C knew they had left it all there as a "joke". C told me that we would show them they couldn't stop us by leaving such a load of crap there. She threw the stuff in the corner of the room and looked me in the eye so that i knew she was determined we would show them!

She kissed me, turned on the bedside lamp and turned off the main light so the room was dimly lit. She then stood 2 feet from where I was on the bed and removed her clothes, leaving her skirt until last. As she undid her skirt her pants crept into my view, they were tiny and white. Good god she looked sexy I reached out and grabbed her. Throwing her on the bed I caressed every inch of her body and then ripped her pants off with my teeth. I licked and sucked her pussy and clit until she came so loudly my flatmates must have been woken up. She then requested I fuck her intimately. i got on top of her and again touched her clit as she moved towards orgasm, this time though i could feel myself getting close and i held on as long as i could before I came deep inside her just as she orgasmed. Easily the best moment of my life, we never managed to come together again and the amount of cum I left in that condom shocked me.

After such a pinnacle there was nothing left to do other than for me to wrap myself around c and we snuggled up to go to sleep.

Last Week

I just have to post to say why last week was so good. I know I already touched on last weeks events by mentioning I (B's flatmate). She is a fox and I cant help but let myself develop a crush on her! So here is a quick run through of why last week was brilliant.

Monday was OK, I had a reasonable day at work. For strange reason my boss has started been really nice to me, its kind of freaked me out.

But Tuesday was when things started to get really really good. For some reason everything went my way at work and then at 4pm just as i was about to head home F got me online and asked if I fancied going out with her and a few others for drinks. I said i would, thinking it would be awkward and weird after I'd ask F out and she said no. but it wasn't, it was fantastic. Me and her were just friendly from the off, laughing and talking. i had only gone out thinking it would be a couple of drinks, but F insisted I joined them in a club. So went and we danced and talked and it was amazing. I cant believe that we can be friends, I thought I'd cocked it up by asking her out. The next day we were chatting online non-stop and we talked everything through, what i thought of her, why I'd asked her out, why she'd said no. Its brilliant, i feel great that I've cleared the air and we have suddenly become much closer as we both know were we stand and get on so well. I walked around on Wednesday on cloud nine!

Then to top it off, B invites me out on Wednesday night. i didn't want to go as i was tired from the night before, but I forced myself and I got to see and speak to I. I have already written the events of this night down here: http://manwithtwonames.blogspot.com/2007/02/friend-of-friend.html

So on Thursday i went into work hungover and really tired, but still managed to have a great day and get so much done. The Friday was just as good and I went out on Friday night after this post:
http://manwithtwonames.blogspot.com/2007/02/friend-of-friend.html

So last week was great. The main points being:

1. I have some how turned my job around by not doing much different.
2. Everything is sorted with F and we now appear to be reasonably close friends
3. I is fantastic and she is just what i needed, a new girl to fancy, think about and try to pull.
4. My social life has gone up 2 gears through no effort on my part.

God I love life so much sometimes! If things carry on this way for a few weeks I might even get to pull a girl and maybe even have sex for the first time in years!

Update

Sorry I haven't blogged since the weekend but I got called away with work and didn't have time to post anything.

I'm not sure where to start really. So what I'll do is first of all say thanks for all those that have posted comments on my last few posts and the one person who posted another comment about my cock.

I'm really really glad to hear that you are all sure I'm OK in terms of my sex-drive. I suppose wanking 9 times a day hardly indicates a problem. Lets just hope I can perform like that when I final get the girl of my dreams into the sack.

I; just like to again say thanks to Jenny and VI. Shame I missed you and your toy VI! and Jenny you should definitely post some more pics. Like I've said these two blogs really get me tugging and Jenny's pics could send me other the edge!

As I have been busy whilst away with work I haven't had time to see if I can manage any more than 9 times or beat 3-4 in an hour. But I might have go sometime. Whoever requested a picture of me coming has obviously not thought the logistics of trying to operate a camera whilst at the peak of orgasm. But I'm curious to see if i can do it. Is it crossing a line to post photos of this?? Let us know what you think!

My blog has just turned into a wanking diary of late and I don't want to just write about me and cock. So I'm going to write another post later to tell you all about how good last week was and also anther to finish off the story of me and C.

Downhill

I'm seriously worried now. I'm very scared. I woke up in the middle of the night worrying.

I think my sexual abilities are going downhill.

Yseterday I managed to cum 9 times. But this is still some way short of my record of 14-15 when I was in my teens (my parents left me allow in the house for a weekend and I went for it).

Now I know men are supposed to reach their sexual peak in there teens, whoich hardly seems fair as fewer guys are getting some then. But I didnt realise I'd go down hill so fast. I mean I'm worried that in a few years time I wont even have to worry about cracking a stiffy when out with attractive ladies or the intern in the office wears a low cut top. On the whole I'm worried my sex drive is declining and I'm wasting time without a girl to share it with.

But maybe I'm just over reacting. I'm guessing 9 times is ok and I'm going to push myself to get back into double figures. Maybe you people could help me.

Oh and VI, we deffo need to have a wank-off competition! Maybe the motivation of competing would get me back into double-figures. Jenny, keep posting and I'll keep tugging. If you fancy reading something hot then these two amazing ladies blogs are linked on the right ahndside of my blog ------------------->

Right I'm going get my Sunday morning horn out of the way so i can type something two-handed and actually document the fabulous week I've had!

The Now Traditional Saturday Morning Wankathon

As is becoming tradition I'm spending my Saturday Morning naked in front front of my laptop with cock in hand.

I've got some many sexy/purvey/rude thoughts flying through my head at the minute and I cant do anything or than keep wanking until i can think about something else. So far this morning my main thoughts have been:

1. I (B's flatmate) looked well sexy at the pub last night. Her low cut top made the entire night a battle against staring down it! She had really really low jeans on, she must have had to shave her pubes and wear tiny tiny pants for neither to show above the top of her jeans. Her bum is fantastic too! But her blue eyes are what really really gets me going!
2. Reading about VI's session with her new toy: http://villagesecrets.blogspot.com/
3. Jenny's blog including her pics from last week: http://itsallinsideme.blogspot.com/
4. The thought of people looking the photos on my cock on my blog: http://manwithtwonames.blogspot.com/2007/02/bravery.html
5. The thought of somehow bumping into C and getting beck together. Especially the thought of her giving me a two handed hand-job, whilst she sits naked with her pussy dripping on top of my thighs.

Right its getting hard to type one handed and I've already managed two in under an hour this morning. I might retire for the day after 5 so I can do something other than wank with my day off!

Friend of a Friend

Its been a mad week and I really need to put it all down in my blog. But I haven't got time to do that tonight, or to finish of the story of em and C.

I'm off out in a few minutes for some Friday night drinks. But I have to quickly write about a girl. I've started fancying my friend B's flatmate. I'll refer to her as I. I first met I about 8 months ago, she was obviously attractive but I thought she was out of my league. in fact she is still probably out of my league.

But on Wednesday I agreed to go out with B for a few drinks and then to a club (shes calmed down over the last week). But she brought I along too. We just seemed to hit it off, she laughed at my jokes and stood really close to me so our arms were touching. When we got to the club we were dancing loads, I'm a rubbish dancing so just sort of joke around and don't take it seriously, but she loved it. there were a couple of racy moments too.

The club was really busy so the dance floor was packed we were dancing closer and closer together, the moments that I cant out of my mind (wank bank entries 1 to 4 under the account name of I) were:

1. The was some pushing on the dance floor and er hand ended up on my crotch against my semi hard cock. She looked at me and I knew she knew she'd unintentionally touched my dick. It was just the way her hand stayed there a fraction of a second longer than it needed to!
2. We were dancing off the dance floor after we went to get some drinks and our heads ended up touching, even through the smoke filled air I could smell her hair.
3. The second she caught my eye as we were walking up the stairs to the high level bar and looked around to check so was OK behind me.
4. The hottest though was similar the 1st point. She was dancing in front of me and she again got pushed by people trying to move on the rammed dance floor. Her bum touched against my crotch. her bum looks amazing and it felt incredible at moment. I don't know what it is, but pressing my cock against a woman's bum is an incredible turn on for me.

So I'm not trying to read too much into this but its given me hope of maybe I might have a girl who I can have a crush on for a while.

I'm off out and I've been told I will be there so I'm about to get ready. But first i need to get myself some EP, Erection protection so I plan to belt a quick round out. This will be a functional wank, not a pleasure wank. its all about trying to control my cocks behaviour tonight! Tomorrow morning will be the time for long and rally enjoyable wanking!

Wish me luck!

My First Proper Girlfriend - part 4

So me and C were lying there in her bed on the morning after. She then stunned me by getting up out of bed, I could see her whole body. Her bum looked so amazing, her breasts looked incredible as the sun came through the curtains. C then said she had to go to church, she pulled her jeans and a red top on and walked out of her flat. I was left lying in her bed, I just lay there trying to take in what had happened, I then fell back to sleep.

I woke up and C still wasn't back, but I had a plan. I whacked my clothes on grabbed C's spare keys and headed out down the street with the aim of buying one thing. I had no idea where there was a shop so i walked down a street and then on to another one. As I was waking I text J to let her know that I'd had a great night and to thank her for making sure me and C hooked up. I turned a corner and found a small shop. I walked in and picked up some sweets and chocolate, I thought I'd surprise c when she got back. I got to the counter and I could see what I wanted behind the counter next to the cigarettes. asking that shopkeeper for a couple of packs of condoms is easily the most embarrassing thing I have ever done. The worst part was when he winked at me as he gave me his change.

I raced back to C's and she still wasn't back so I put the condoms out of the way in my bag and sat watching TV waiting for C to come back. When she got back she came straight in and sat next to me on the sofa. I got up, made us a cup of tea each and gave her the chocolate. She seemed so impressed by such a simple thing. We ate the chocolate and then just lay on the sofa, C with her head resting on my chest. I felt like a king. But then I decided I needed to try and push my luck, I knew y time was limited as I had to head back to my mates who were staying at my flat. So I asked C if she wanted to go back to bed, but she turned me down. saying she wanted to wait until we did anything else. I was disappointed and worried she wasn't interested, the look on my face must have given this away because she walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me. Then whispered in my ear "I just want it to be special again, you are the boy i want to be my first". With that I kissed her, packed my stuff up and headed off back to my mates like a dog with two dicks.

Because my mates were staying for another couple of days we decided that Tuesday night would be the night. I went back to C's place with her straight after work. We sat in here flat talking and kissing on the sofa, then we got changed and headed into town for something to eat and a few drinks. we sat playing footsy in the restaurant. When we reached a trendy bar with mood lighting and loud music we headed for a table in the corner and started kissing. i slipped my hand under the table and onto C's leg and then up on to her pants. She begged me to touch her, so I just went for it. She got so wet so fast I could feel it running down my fingers. We quickly finished out drinks and headed for the door. I grabbed a taxi and when sped back towards C's. We were kissing in the back seat and C had her hand on crotch.

When the cab dropped us off outside of C's place we stood and kissed before going inside. C whispered to me that she was so excited that we were going to "do it". She undid the door and I grabbed her as I as closed the door behind me. We kissed, I pushed her up against the walk and ground my erection against her hip. She then unbuttoned my shirt and kissed my neck and chest, i couldn't wait and picked C up and carried her into her room and put her on the bed. I shuck off my shoes and socks and then ripped my jeans off. I got on the bed holding myself above C. I took her top off and then her jeans. I then slipped down my boxers and unhooked her bra (with a lot less fumbling than the previous time). I then started kissing her on the lips, then her neck and breasts and stomach. I then got to her pants, i pulled then down with my teeth kissing her thighs as I went. I then headed in between her legs finding her clit and gently kissing and licking it. i could her C moaning so I slipped a finger into her wet pussy. she was grinding herself against my face as my work gave her more and more pleasure.

After a few minutes she was reaching a peak of pleasure. I kept going and then she grabbed my head and lifted it up, she knew what we both wanted. I worked my way up her body to her lips. She then whispered that she wanted me inside her and reached over to her bedside drawer as I reached out for my bag. We were both trying to reach the condoms that we had each bought separately, without the other knowing. She got to her's before I got to mine, she told me to lie back down. She then grabbed my cock and slipped the condom on.

My heart was pounding at this point, the moment I had been waiting for since i was about 11. i laid C out and she parted her legs and guided my cock into her pussy with her hand. The first time I pushed into her was incredible and I just kept moving my cock in and out of her pussy whilst she kissed each other. C was obviously enjoying it and I was loving the feeling of being inside her. I kept going and going for a maybe 40 minutes, C was obviously close to coming, so i kept going, rubbing her clit at the same time as thrusting as hard as i could. But as C came I felt no nearer than when I was when we started. She moaned as she came, but I was getting really really tired. Somehow C knew what was happening and whispered in my ear "its OK if you're tired you've already made me come twice tonight" "let me make you come" and with that she pulled herself off my cock, and pushed me onto my back. straddling as she sat on my legs she put both of her hands on dick, which at this point must have been hard for 3 hours non-stop. The sensation was incredible as she pulled the condom off and worked both her hands up and down my throbbing member. I shot my load all over her hands and arms.

We both lay there worn out and obviously satisfied. after a few minutes we crawled under the duvet and snuggled up. We kissed and whispered to each other for a few minutes before falling asleep in our now usual position on me on my back with C's head on my chest.

My First Proper Girlfriend - part 3

So I'd thought I'd blown t with C. I was gutted. But I shouldn't have been.

She didn't email me on Wednesday at all. On Thursday she emailed to say hi. But then J emailed me "whats going on with you and C" I emailed back "I don't know, I think I've blown it". She said not to worry as C was still keen and was trying to be clever by playing hard to get. I was confused and didn't know what to do or where this whole thing was going. I had mates staying that weekend and I knew I would struggle to C alone for a while.

On the Friday at work I heard nothing and had sort of giving up hope. But J emailed me late in the afternoon and said "look get your finger out and arrange to see C this weekend" then she forwarded the email conversation her and C had been having all week. God this was a brilliant read, no doubting now that C fancied me and wanted more. So i emailed C and just said "can I see you this weekend?" she replied with "I thought you'd never ask. My place Saturday and bring a toothbrush". then J emailed "well done, my number is xxxxxxxxxxxx let me know how you get on!"

So on the Friday night when my mates arrived I explained I was going to see somebody on Saturday and wouldn't be back until Sunday. They took it quite well, so on Saturday Morning I got up, packed my bag, handed my mate my keys and got on a train to C's. I sat there for 40 minutes on that train with a raging hard-on dying of both excitement and nerves about what lay ahead.

I met C at the train station and reached out to hold her hand, But she wouldn't let me. We walked through the city centre looking in shops and having a bit of a laugh, we were both nervous and I felt physically sick for most of the next hour or so. We eventually got back to her flat and I made us a cup of tea. We sat there on the sofa in silence, it was total nightmare. I tried to break the silence by asking her about her flat and flatmate. it was difficult and then she just said "what do you want to do?" and replied "whatever you want to" so then we decided to go for some food then to the cinema.

So C got changed and I watch TV, just like a real couple. Then we we were ready we headed into town and had some food and a few drinks in a bar before we went to the cinema. I still felt awkward at this point, so I decided to get some sweets and a drink to distract from the tension. As we sat down to watch the film we both had our arms on the armrest between us, they were touching but nothing more. I thought I was going to burst, I couldn't decide if i wanted the film to end or not.

Afterwards we walked back to C's flat, about half way there she grabbed hold on my hand and placed her fingers in between mine. Now this made things difficult as i went from having a secret semi to a full on stonker in the middle of the city. But I decided I couldn't do much about so I just kept going.

When we got back to her flat she got both of us a drink and i made another stupid error, i sat on the armchair not on the sofa, so C had to sit across from me, we sat drinking our G&Ts trying to make some kind of reasonable conversation about the film. Once we'd finished our drinks I offered to get up and make another, planning on coming back and sitting next to C on the sofa. C said she didn't want a drink and before i could ask why she got up, came across to where I was and sat down across my lap so that she faced me with her legs over the arm of the chair. I just shoved my lips on hers and we kissed so intensely. at this point I thought I was going to come in my pants, I could feel my erection rubbing against C's crotch.

After a couple of minutes kissing she stood up and said she was uncomfortable on the chair, she walked out of the room. i stood there like a tool star struck and not knowing what to do, she came back and grabbed my hand leading me into her bedroom.

The room was dimly lit from a lamp on the bedside table. C pushed me on the bed so i was sitting on the edge, she then undid her top so she was stood there in front of me in her bra, she then say down on my legs and started kissing me harder and harder. She then unbuttoned my shirt and ran her hands down my chest pulling my shirt off. she then stood back up and undid my jeans, just as she had on the week before, she pulled them off so I was just sat there in my boxers with the most intense hard-on I'd ever had. C was staring at my boxers watching my cock throb through the cloth. She then undid her jeans and pulled then down to reveal tiny white panties with red hearts on.

She then pushed me back so i was lying on her bed and climbed on top of me. I sat up and we kissed and kissed, I kissed her neck and shoulders. Then she whispered in my ear that I should unhook her bra, I reached around her back and fumbled like every man must do when he loses his virginity. I eventually undid her bra and pulled it off, her breasts were incredible, so pert and round with her pink nipples sticking out. She held herself against me before i could start to caress her breasts. We just embraced each other holding our skin against each other.

She then bolted up right and yanked my boxers off as quick as a flash, leaving my cock throbbing in the air. I thought I was going to come for a second and then i regained my composure and decided to get her panties off. I pulled my hands across her hips and tucked my figure in the sides on her pants gently pulling them down. I could see a triangle of pubic hair and a bit of her pussy underneath. She then whispered to me "this is my first time, be gentle" I whispered back "its my first time, be even more gentle". I buried my face in her chest and caressed her breasts like my life depended on it. looking back my technique must have been shocking, but I didn't care, I was about to lose my virginity.

Then disaster struck. Neither of us had any condoms, I'd never thought about getting to that stage that weekend. We were both lying there, naked, aroused and ready to make the final move and we couldn't. So after a little bit of whispering about it not being either of ours faults i decided I was going to give C some pleasure anyway. I slid my hand down across her stomach and own the front of her left thigh. My hand was trembling but i was determined to do what i knew C wanted me to. I slid my hand around the insides of her thighs, teasing her. I then went for it, parting her pussy lips and sliding on finger an inch or so into her cupcake. She let out a small sigh as I moved my figure up and down inside her, she was moaning quietly as i kissed her breasts. Then I went for it, I moved my kisses down her chest over her hips and down into between her legs. Finding her clit I focused my attention on keeping my tongue moving over it slowly and then faster and faster. c was obviously enjoying this as her moaning and panting increased until she put her hands on the back of my head and holding in where I was. After a few minutes C collapsed and laid back on the bed. I moved up along side her and kissed her whispering how much I'd enjoyed kissing her most private parts.

After she'd Had a couple of minutes recovery time she grabbed my cock and started giving me a hand-job. Her small delicate fingers on my cock was too much too soon and after a few seconds i was firing come all over the bed. Thankfully my dick didn't let me down as it just stayed rock hard after I'd finished coming. C then licked and sucked my cock and before I knew it I was coming again, this time some landed on C's chest. She just laughed and placed herself on top on me.

We spent the next few hours pleasuring each other in ways neither of us had experienced before. After a few hours we were both tired and we snuggled up together and went to sleep. C with he read on my chest like in films. When we woke up the next morning we just lay in bed for hours kissing and cuddling. I couldn't believe what had happened to me.

My First Proper Girlfriend - part 2

So as I said in my post below. I'd kissed C and shared a bed with her. But we hadn't do anything rude at all.

We agreed to see each other that week. So I didn't email her on Monday, I was trying not to look too keen. But I was over keen, the thought of kissing her again was too much and I couldn't get her out of my head. On the Tuesday she emailed me first thing and i emailed back, she was scared I'd changed my mind. I reassured her and just chatted away as if nothing much Had happened.

Then late on the Tuesday, she emailed saying "is there somewhere we could watch the football tonight?" I replied suggesting our local. The thing was she had invited all of the summer students, not just me and her. I didn't know what was happening. So later on C showed up at our flat and I answered the door, she came in and sat on the sofa. Then she dropped the bombshell, your flatmates said it would be OK for me to stay here tonight, save me travelling home later on. I was shocked, my mind racing about where she'd sleep. i tried to act normal and we talked and my flatmates came in and out, we then headed to the pub. Me, my flatmates and her.

At first we paid each other no special attention and then she sat across from me and i felt her foot on my leg. well that was like somebody had put 1000 Volts through me. My cock was rock hard straight away, my pulse quicken, my breathing was out of control and i was sweating. After a few more drinks my flatmates said they were leaving. So me and C followed a little way behind. As we got out of the bar and crossed the road, she grabbed my hand, held me back and planted a peck on my lips. I could have jumped 12 feet up in the air screaming I was so happy/relieved.

We walked hand in hand back across the park down the road to my flat. At the door we stopped and C Pecked me on the lips again. She then dragged me into the flat, I was trying to snog her on the doorstep. We got upstairs and into my room where we snogged up against the back of the door like we had a few days before. She got really into the kiss and was pressing her body against mine, my cock was digging into her hip and she was rubbing against it. At that point I thought I was going to lose my virginity there and then.

But that was not to be, C turned away and said she was going to sleep in the spare room. I asked why and she said that she'd only come for a kiss and that was it. I begged her to let me hold her like I had at the weekend. She said no, gave me another kiss, opened the door and made her way across the landing to the spare room. I brushed my teeth and got into bed, lying there with a pounding erection and C spilling through my head. I decided I'd leave it a while and sneak across to the spare room. But I never built up the courage and just spent the night grinding my Bonner against the mattress thinking of C.

The next morning C said nothing and I was confused and decided I'd blown it somehow.

But little did I know....................

My First Proper Girlfriend - part 1

I've mentioned her quite a bit on here, so I've decided it would be good for me to write down what happened between me and C. I'm not sure if this is something people will want to read. Its such a long story, and i have so many details to write down I'm going to split it up into sections.

It was about two and a half years ago now. I had a summer job away from uni and I was living and working with a few guys who were all pulled in from over the country for summer jobs. For the first couple of days at work we were all put together to get to know each other, the guys and the few girls who had summer jobs there too. One of the girls was C and I noticed her on day one (she later told me she'd fancied me from the first day). So there I was in totally new environment, living with guys I didn't know and with hottie I fancied like rotten at work.

Me and a couple of the guys hit it off straight away and we are still great friends. It was a totally different environment than i was used to at uni. we were more open and honest with each other than i was with my mates at uni. For example we all admitted to wanking like crazy, the two others were away from their girlfriends and I was just thinking of C every night and morning.

Me and C flirted a little bit at work and sent the odd email, but I was really really crap and didn't do anything to move it one with her. It was kind of obvious we both liked each other as we would email each 10 times more than we emailed other people. I remember she offered to lend me a sleeping bag when I said i was going to stay at a mates and didn't have one.

So eventually all the summer students had a big night out, the students who didn't live near to us all slept at ours including C and her friend J. The night out was the stuff of legends a big gang of us all out having loads of drinks, dancing and laughing our heads off. I wasn't sure at this point as because there were obviously a couple of other fellas who wanted a piece of C action.

But after a few drinks and a couple of different bars i knew i was out in front in the race of getting a kiss off C. In one bar me and her were first in and I bought her a drink, made her laugh and just generally eliminated the competition. She was sat so close to me on the sofa in this bar, I was sat there with a ranging hard-on wondering how the hell she wasn't going to notice the lump in my jeans (she later told me she did and it turned her on!). I'm not sure where it came from, but everything I said seemed to be perfect, i took the conversation from stupid jokes (that made her roll with laughter and put er head on my shoulder) to the serious (where we made firm eye contact as she answered my questions) and then back to piss take.

In between a couple of bars later on that night my flat and me ended up giving C and her friend J a piggy back, as we ran through the streets I could feel C's body against my back. it was fantastic and at that point I knew we were going to at least kiss. She later told me it was holding herself against me so tight against me that made her decide I was special.

When we got back to our flat there was only me, my flatmates and C and J left. We all decided to have another drink, me and C sat next to each other on the floor and then as my flatmates when off to bed J got into her sleeping bag on the sofa and turned the light off. Leaving just me and C on the floor, we carried on whispering to each other and put my arm around her. She then pulled her seeping bag over and lay down on it. So there I was lying next to C on the floor of the living room in the dark. Before I can even get my arm back around her she plants her lips on mine. God it was incredible, she was a great kisser and as I kissed her back I couldn't help but melt away. We kept kissing harder and harder and then we rolled over so I was on top of her. I could hear J laughing to herself at the sound of me and C o the floor. I whispered to her, "you want to go somewhere else" and she whispered back "yes" so i led her by the hand into my room.

As we closed the door of my room I pushed up against the back of it and we snogged more and more. Then she took my hand off her hip and moved it on to her bum. God it felt incredible, I'd never really touched a girls bum like before. I just couldn't help myself as I worked my hands on her buttocks.

Then she stopped kissing me and moved over on to my bed. We were lying on my bed, her on top kissing each other. Then she shocked me as she moved her hand down my body onto the lump in the front of my jeans, then she sat up and pulled me across the side of the bed so i was sat on the edge of it. She then undid my belt and jeans and put her hand in my boxers on my throbbing cock. I could tell she was nervous and I'm sure she could tell I was nervous. In fact neither of us knew where we were going at that point. So i just looked her in the eye and asked her if she was "OK??" she replied with "whats wrong??". at this point I just said, "are you doing this because you want to or because you think you should" and she said "I don't know" so i told her it didn't matter at that point. So she let go of cock and and got back on the bed. I got up, pulled my jeans off, took my shirt off and turned off the light. we then got under the duvet and carried on kissing as we snuggled up together. c took her jeans off and we wrapped ourselves around each other and fell asleep.

When we woke up in the morning we just started kissing from the off. We must have spent an hour kissing and cuddling that morning. I think we both felt so comfortable with each other, especially after we had both decided not to do anything rude the night before. But I must say C was great especially as i must have been poking her with my erect cock for 10 hours that night and morning!

So later she got up and got dressed as she was going back to see her parents and I had my mates staying that weekend. My flatmates spent hours trying to get the inside story. But hey were cool when I said nothing sexual happened, some men could have been cocks about that but they were so cool.

That night I decided I needed to text C, but I was out with my mates and didn't have her number. So I ended p texting J and asking for her number. J gave me C's number but only after making sure mine and C's story's were the same (I secretly loved being the centre of gossip). So on the Sunday morning, 24 hours after she had walked out I text C to tell her how much i had enjoyed the Friday night and that I really really liked her and I wanted to see her again. She text back and we spent all of Sunday texting and sorting things out. We agreed to see each other the next week.

I spent Sunday evening lying in my bed trying to make the most of the smell C had left behind!

Married

I know I'm spending all my time wanking at the minute and VI has commented that everybody masturbates and only when you get married and you lose interest in sex do you stop. But it would take some serious time for me to lose interest in sex. especially if I had an attractive woman with me and she could take her clothes off.

Trust me I've been waiting years for some decent regular sex, and when it happens I'm not going to spot after weeks, months or years. But its not just the sex, I'd be caring, thoughtful and protective. Apart from sex, the best thing about having a partner is snuggling up together to go to sleep. One of the best feelings of my life was when I snuggled up with my ex under the sheets to go to sleep, the kissing whispering and then wrapping myself around her was incredible. As cheesy as it sounds, the way she said i made her feel safe and warm was brilliant and I felt so manly.

I'm off to bed as I'm knackered. I see each night I go to bed alone as one closer to a going to bed with an incredible girl, not even for sex but maybe just for a kiss and a cuddle and to snuggle up next to each other and feel cared for, safe and secure.

Yesterdays Results

Just for confirmation, I managed 9 times yesterday, which is still a few short of my record.
Maybe a Little more flesh is required to motivate me up to the level required for a record breaking wanking??

But thanks to everybody who commented and posted towards my efforts. its still seems rediculous I'm describing my masterbation habits to strangers, but its defintly liberating as upon until now I've never really admitted wanking to anybody.

I cant see me manging to save it up like last week at the minute, I'm naked with cock in hand before i know what I'm doing these days.

Out of Hand (well actually in hand too much)

Jenny X did it and put a photo of her breasts on her blog:

http://itsallinsideme.blogspot.com/

They look fantastic. I've spent the entire morning wanking(x5) over these! I know its sad, but I just cant stop myself knocking round and after round off. This blogging thing has got me so horny I cant stand not to be naked cock in hand in front of my laptop.

Even somebody leaving an insulting comment about my cock could put me off!

Getting Ridiculous

The amount of wanking I am doing this week is starting to get out of hand. Not since my teenage years has self-pleasure got in the way of my life so much.

Yet again I'm sat here in front of my laptop, naked with cock in hand reading blogs and looking at porn. Not sure where all the extra sex drive/horniness has come from, maybe the excitement of posting my cock on here and the fact people have looked at it has sent me into overdrive.

Please keep commenting as this is proving great fun apart from some soreness on my member!

Something Normal

After all the sex based stuff I've posted of late I'm just going to post what i think and feel after I have relieved my manic horniness!

Work is defiantly starting to pick up after a few days/weeks of absolute shite. I have a presentation with a big boss tomorrow, 5 minutes to impress with my work.

B was really short with me again today. I'm just guessing its down to her being ill and having loads of work to slog through. I'm going to give her some space as my advice, caring and concern don't seem to welcome. I've told her I'm always available and I'll leave it at.

The rest of my friends seem to be sorting their lives out and I really need to get mine on track. I cant spend my life pissed off and jealous.

Me and F seem to be getting back to be friends, I suppose I need to get my arse in gear and get over her. By having met her it proves great girls are out there to be met and for me to get to know. I now that there is a girl out there for me somewhere and I will find her.

I'm not sure what my ideal girl would be like, but I'm guessing the following points would be required:

• Pretty. Great eyes, like F or S or A! I really like girls with glasses and pretty eyes, that's why F caught my eye so soon!
• Intelligence. I cant hack bimbos with who just love stupid celebs.
• Dark hair.
• Breast. No doubt S has the best breasts and I still think about them! A had brilliant large breasts and F's are so pert!
• A great sense of humour and will laugh at what i find funny and vice versa.
• A love of kids, my ideal girl is going to be the mother of my offspring and therefore must l've kids and want to have babies.
• Good dress sense. i hate badly dressed women, especially as my dress sense is shite.
• Bottom. I'm not sexist, but I prefer round bums that are not to small. C's bum was the most amazing I've ever seen!

Cock Comments!

Thanks for the comments about the pics I put on last night. I really appreciate them and love the idea of people looking at my dick.

One thing, if anybody wants to make any kind comments at all feel free. I'd love to know what people really think. Maybe I should get it on http://themilfblog.blogspot.com/ for that!

I know its a bit (very) of a purvey man thing to do, but i feel great that I'm finally showing people my pride and joy!

Bravery

My cock after reading Jenny X!

Valentines Day

Well today is the day. But this year it hasn't bothered me to much. I know that in the future I will have a girl and V day will be the same as any other day. I'm not one of these guys who will be affectionate, thoughtful, passionate and caring because its a particular day. If I love her everyday will be like that.

I think I'm in a slightly weird mood tonight and I've been more up and down than ever today. Maybe just bit tired and when I'm hungry its gets to me the most.

B was really cold today on msn, it does my head in when girls are like that. She is my friend and I'm there for her like when she is there for me, yet sometimes she is just a little short and obviously just thinks about her work all the time. I think that maybe she is under pressure and will be back to her old self when she has less work.

Its great to get comments on my blog. Thanks! It is a great feeling to just write about all aspects of my life! I feel so open and liberated because I can admit to wanking and fancying all kinds of girls (still not sure about putting a pic of my cock on here though!)

Quick Post

I'm knackered and have had a crap day so I ain't got much energy for a long post or even a tug.

I had a shite day work and got really down thinking I should quit. I ended up moaning to A about F on msn for ages.

B moaned to me on msn and did my head in. I love her to bits she is a great girl and quality friend. But how can somebody so attractive go on about been ugly and not sexy. She is a stunner, but how do you tell a girl this without sounding like you want to pull her pants down with your teeth?? Bit worried she'll just go for any lad that is interested when she really needs a nice guy to look after her and build her confidence up. Not sure if she just wants a shag or maybe just to say she has a man?? She was complaining about not kissing anybody since last summer, I can see me clocking up at least a year without so much as a peck!

Right I'm off to bed, hope I sleep better than last night as I couldn't sleep and when I did I was dreaming about SB which is not a road I want to go back down (even if she is still probably my dream girl).

My Chap

When I got in from work earlier I decided to just check out a few blogs I read when i came across this on the girl with one track minds blog:

http://www.snapyourchap.com/

Basically a guy is putting together an exhibition of men's "chaps" with the aim of demonstrating the diversity of your average mans penis.

"Lawrence's aim is to collect and exhibit the biggest collection of penis portraiture ever seen, and in doing so hopes to encourage men to talk about their penis size, girth and shape..."

I've snapped mine and put it on there. I must say the experience was very liberating. To think people could well be looking at my cock in an exhibition. I had to take the photo whilst I was erect as the thought of some hottie looking at a photo of my cock is a bit of a turn on. i know some people will read this and think I'm just a pervert. But I think its important that we make it acceptable in society for men to discuss their penis with other men.

So to start this I'm going to give a few facts (I have debated putting the pic on my blog, but not sure?) about my chap:

• Its in between 1 and 3 inch's when flaccid (this depends massively on temperature).
• Its 6 inch's long when fully erect and approximately 2.5 inch's across and 1.5 inch's thick.
• Its bends off slightly to the left when standing to attention.
• The size of the varies widely head depends on the strength of the erection.

My blog seems to be all about my penis, wanking, girls and sex at the minute. But that's how I seem to feel. Maybe I'll post something normal once I'm got my concentration back!

Week Away

Having just got back from a week away with work followed by a weekend out on the lash with my mates I am knackered. Great trip and made me appreciate again how good my mates are and how lucky i am to live the life I do. With or without F.

However I decided to use the week away to conduct a little experiment, I've been reading the girl with one track mind's blog a lot. She brings up many theory's about men, their penis and sex drive. I decided that my week away would be a great opportunity to go a few days without pleasuring myself. I was curious as to how it would affect me, to summarise the results are as follows:

• This was incredible difficult. In fact close to impossible as I am so used to "banging one out" every day or at least every other day. My routine was totally disrupted.
• I got more and more erections as time went on. Each day became more of a battle to avoid the embarrassment of of an obvious bonner under my jeans.
• With more erections came more and more horniness. The urge to relieve myself became greater and greater.
• My ability to concentrate shrank and shrank as I spent more time thinking about sex and finding every single girl i saw more and more attractive (think beer goggles at 8am).
• I couldn't function around any woman I found remotely attractive. I went for a drink with a female friend of mine and had a constant hard-on through out. I'm sure she noticed but didn't say anything. This was a spiral as the thought of her viewing my hard-on made me more horny. i must have been hard for close to 3 hours non-stop that night.
• Every morning after 3 days I woke up with an incredible erection and found myself grinding it against the mattress every night.
• Having a shower was incredible the last couple of days. the water gave me such a sensation.

So after 6 days without so much as stroking my cock I was sat on a train on my way back this afternoon. I was trying hard (no pun intended) to read the football in the back of the paper when my ears caught part of a conversation the girl next to me was having with a few of her friends n the seats around me. They were reading the women's mags and talking about the articles, sex, positions, cocks etc. Well I have to say that this caused me to have a moment that can only be described as melt down. I was already hard, but listening to these girls talk about rude stuff openly made me go up a gear, I was squirming in my seat so my hard-on was rubbing the inside of my jeans. I thought I was going to come there an then. I resisted the urge to either somehow stimulate my cock that little bit more so I let myself go in my pants, or head to the toilet and "belt one out". I vowed that I would relieve myself as soon as I got back to my flat.

I opened the door dumped my suitcase, grabbed some toilet roll from the bathroom and slammed my bedroom door. I ripped my jeans and t-shirt off and touched my erection. there was pre-come on the head already, I didn't even get close to booting my laptop up so I could get some photos of naked girls on. But I didn't need any motivation/stimulation I was firing come across my room in 30 seconds flat. The best surprise was still to come (no pun intended again) I kept my hard-on after I came, it didn't even go slightly softer. this meant I was ready to fire off some more after a couple of minutes of rubbing. I'm not sure this counts as multiple orgasm, but twice in 10 minutes was brilliant. I hadn't done anything like this for years. we're up to five times in less than two hours now (and I'm thinking 6 is on the way)

In addition to the above conclusions:

• When I finally touched myself the sensation was miles better than usual.
• I came more than usual and with much more force.
• I could come again in a fraction of the time.

So will I be doing this again?? Defiantly, but it was seriously difficult and I cant really have a constant stonking hard-on at work all the time so maybe on selected occasions will I save it up. the main thing I'm taking from this is that when/if I do get a girlfriend and we are sort of getting towards having sex I will save up for weeks and weeks. Now I know this might mean I fire off early the first time, but the increased ability to "reload and fire again" will surely be worth it.

High Fidelity

After buying Nick Hornby's "high fidelity" today I've decided that these are my following five rejections from girls (in no particular order):

F. The most recent and I'm still nowhere near over it. She is still the girl I fancy and think about before I go to sleep.

A. She broke my heart, then we became friends. It was difficult to take when she fell in love with my best friend. In a weird way I couldn't cope if they split up in case her being back on the market would mean I'd have to go after her again, I suppose this means i still fancy her.

S. I still carry a torch for S. Sexy, beautiful, kind, loves kids, intelligent with fabulous breasts I'd kill for her to be mine. Her craziness doesn't come close to putting me off. There is a stupid part of me that still would like to chase her, marry her and have children.

CG. My first proper girlfriend (we took each other virginity). I'm curious now that she lives in Newcastle, what would happen if we ran into each other. I'm not sure I'd like to get back together.

AD. I'm still confused by the way she treated me. No idea, but I got over her quite quickly.

Highlight of the Day

The highlight of most days for me is "doing the five knuckle shuffle" when I get in from work. Sad as it sounds when i' sat there at my desk with a hard on at 7.30am the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I'm going to be able to relieve myself when I get home. i woke this morning with a stonking bonner that didn't go down until I got out of the shower, if only I'd had a spare few minutes to have wank pre-work. I think the frustration builds up during a night of grinding my cock against the mattress or holding it against a spare pillow, what i would do to have F's round bottom there to hold it against.

So now I've got home from work I'm in my room taking my clothes off and grabbing the tissues. I turn my laptop on and go to Google type in boobs and you get:

Results 1 - 10 of about 22,300,000 for boobs [definition]. (0.03 seconds)

So I start to look through the pages as I rub my erection, but then the fantasy's start entering my head. Getting to see girls i know naked, them showing me their boobs through pity. i look through the photos on my laptop and get a few up of the girls I really have/do fancy. I start to imagine a situation:
They feel sorry for me, ask when was the last time I saw some boobs, i reply "not for two and a half years". they smile and grin, remove their jumper and top and they lean over and feel my erection and tell me wank over their tits. i do as I'm told, but slowly and heroically. they love it and when I'm done they promise me more next time.

Then i slow myself right down and look for porn on the Internet and on my hard drive, i watch, look and read, building it up. Then back to girls i know (looking if any are on msn) and fantasies and then back to porn, depending how Long I have.

Finally when I get to the stage I cant hold out longer I let go and think of F, her round bum, pert boobs, legs, hips and smile and then eyes.

Then i feel like a total loser, sat naked, covered in cum on my own in my room. What a loser. but the feeling never lasts I'm back the next day or even 20 minutes later going through it all again. i suppose I'll do this until i get a girlfriend and she lets me do rude stuff with her.

Up and Down

I don't understand why it is that I can go from on top of the world to life is shit what is the point and back again several times a day. At least three times a day i want to quit and do something else and maybe for a few hours day all is well in the world.

When I'm down my life is shite and there is no point, I'll never finish my doc or meet Mrs Right or make the kind of friends I want to in Newcastle. Everybody else is a winner and I'm a loser when I feel like this, I get stressed upset and worried. It happened today when I got a bit of a set back at work.

But when I'm on top of the world I'm going to succeed and everything I want is just a matter of time. I feel in love with life and energised by where I am and what I'm doing.

I don't know why I feel like this and why my mood swings so badly. i think i just need to learn to deal with it. I need to stop my mood being affected by small things and problems in my life.

Currently I'm trying to do some work, its getting on in the evening and I should probably just hit the sack, but I'll try and keep going a little longer.

Will probably end up thinking about F when I close me eyes tonight to go to sleep. She looked fantastic (her eyes where so sexy through her glasses) and was great when chatting online today. Just cant give the ghost up can i??

Last Night

I've just been reading what I wrote last night when I was drunk and stressed because of what my parents had said. Most of what I wrote last is quite true and how I feel.

I have spent 2 hours of my Sunday night doing some work for tomorrow (getting to do some trials tomorrow). This has really got me down, made me think of what else I could be doing with my Sunday evening.

The main thing is that I need to always be positive. I am a nice guy and at some point in the future I will be spending my Sunday nights in front of the box with my girlfriend/wife etc. Just need to be positive and keep going. Getting some of the stuff I bought this weekend is a step forward. But real progress would be in losing weight and feeling good about my appearance.

Right off to bed. Head spinning after spending entire day thinking about F and sometimes C. I'm not going there though, unless she wants to. Is C better than being on my own??

Parents

I've got my parents up this weekend. They seem very happy with me living in Newcastle, but obviously that isn't enough for parents. They need to have the last say on my entire life. Apparently I should have:

• A wife
• A mortgage
• Children
• A career
• Financial problems
• a people carrier
• life long obsession with getting drunk
• a big wedding
• more fun
• less stress

But too be honest, I'd kill for a nice pretty girl to cuddle when I go to bed and snuggle up to when I go to sleep (the height of my ambition is she has nice (large) breasts and a brilliant personality) plus amazing eyes. When do my parents think I should be settled down?? Hoping I meet Mrs Right ASAP so I get out of all of this.

S or F or even A would have been fantastic for this role, but I haven't managed so much as a kiss with any of them. If there are nice girls who like cuddling and kissing please let me know!

Still think F is amazing. she cant do anything other than look very hot! I'd easily pay a million pounds to kiss her and 10 million to hold her whilst she slept!

Fed Up

I know its probably still because of F, but I've felt really down the last few days. Every little bit of a set-back or stress at work has really got to me. She looked fantastic again today and I'm still gutted.

But another thing has worried, its not just F. Its where I am heading with my life, where will I be in 3, 5 or even 10 years time. There are plenty of men who are into their late 20s and 30s who have no girlfriend, wife or even decent friends. I'm starting to worry that I'm heading towards membership of the male spinster club alongside all the 1000s of sad old men who are obsessed with work because it is the only thing in their life. As I sat in my meeting today and watched all the other "normal" people leave the office I just couldn't help thinking that I might never have the girlfriend, mates or family to rush out of work for. Maybe I'm just being a depressive gimp, but I am really worried about this. I suppose I do have mates, but its not like at uni. I dont do many social things at all.

Sick of people telling me I am a nice guy, and Mrs Right will so up soon. In the last 2 months at least 5 people have said that or something similar. I wouldn't mind, but there is no evidence of this been true, apart from S's comments. Still not sure whether to talk to S about this.

Decided that I need to keep going and maybe start worrying about this in a couple of years time. Maybe should use this as motivation to get slimmer?

Should I Quit

I'm not sure whether I should turn my back on all of this and go back to where I was.

I had my review meeting today and the uni certainly didn't back me up like I wanted them to but that is what i expected to happen. They didn't confront the company and hold them to account. But the meal we had after was OK and everybody seemed happy, why should i rock the boat if everybody else is well pleased??

But I know the main reason I'm depressed is because of F. She looked beautiful today. She spoke to me on line today and it just wasn't the same, when the box of text from her popped up on the screen I had no rush or faster heart rate than i did last week. Just wish she had give me a chance, Cant decide whether to talk to S about this or not. Is it selfish, did she tell F in confidence about thinking me and F should give it a go??

One plus point was the way B spoke to me last night. She really helped, great to know I have a friend like that here. Just hope we grow closer over the next few months, I really need a friend like that. Its not a sexual thing, just I need some support and somebody to hang out with. I am quite proud of the way I don't fancy her and just want to be friends, especially as she is so attractive.

Right best go to bed as i am tired and need to function tomorrow. Just wish F hadn't blown my chances out as now I have nobody to think about when I fall asleep. Just hope I have somebody to snuggle up to sometime soon. Starting to fell lonely like I did last year.

Heart Broken

I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. But it still hurts. The same old thing.

Last night I actually brought things to a conclusion with F. She is great, but not interested in me. Typical. To be honest I'm not sure it would have worked. Did my head in when she kept telling me wasn't pretty and sexy like I was telling her.

The interesting thing is that S had told her she should give me a chance. So I can conclude that at least one normal girl thinks I'm good enough for F. On the other hand KT had put a bad word in with F, not impressed.

I think this is the time to move on. I always think these disappointments will be the turning point, but I never make them that. Maybe I should this time.

I need to make it work here. To gets things going again and make my life better, I need:

1. Friends here.
2. Progress at work.
3. Work harder, at work, in the gym and with people.
4. To lose weight.
5. Get/buy all the stuff I need to.
6. Determination, energy and commitment to keep going.

The Ideal Wank

The four things needed to have a good tug are:

1. An Erection.
2. Somewhere private where you wont be disturbed.
3. Some motivation, memory, fantasy, the Internet or the classic magazine.
4. Something to clean up with. Be covered in cum and having to sneak to the bathroom isn't great fun, especially during the post organism clarity.

Today is Saturday and I have:

1. A Stonking boner. I woke up with what felt half the blood in my body in my pants. Even at 24 I still get over 20 erections a day. A nice bottom at work, boner, a nice thought about F driving home, boner, some hottie in the gym, boner (this can prove difficult, you try running with a mars bar (kingsize, I wish) lodged in your pants). I've tried all kinds of things to reduce the inconvenience of having a tent set up camp at the front of my trousers several times a day, lots of masturbation, no masturbation, trying to find a balance, before I got to sleep, when I wake-up. On the whole too much and too little can cause erection overload.
2. I'm in my room, haven't even bothered getting dressed yet.
3. I cant stop thinking about F. I also have my laptop for any additional motivation required. I'm guessing there must be close to billions of photos of naked ladies on the Internet, the 21st century is the wankers Paradise.
4. I Have a toilet roll so cleaning up will be easy.

The main reason for me disgracing myself at this point of the day, is that I am off to the gym in a bit and I think I'll need some EP (erection protection).

She is Fantastic

Reasons why F is great:

1. She is pretty. But not in the most obvious way. Apart from her eyes, which are stunning. Her smile is cute. I think cute is the best way to describe her.
2. She is clearly intelligent. Has brains, uses them and isn't stupid
3. She wears glasses. I love girls who wear glasses. That thing she does when she looks over the top of them is amazing.
4. She is funny, sharp and witty.
5. She is sexy.
6. Her bum is round. the jeans she wore to work yesterday made it look so sexy. I just couldn't stop looking. i had to work hard not to get a hard-on in the corridor at work.
7. She has ambition and wants to do stuff with her life.
8. Her boobs are pert and quite big, especially for a girl of her size.
9. She dresses how she wants to. She has a stud because she wants one.
10. She likes basic things like, going for a brew and having a drink.
11. Her accent is sexy. I love Geordie accents.
12. She is kind and caring.
13. She is small and has a womanly figure.
14. Her hair is dark.
15. She smiles loads.

I think that's enough. I know that she'll most likely (95%) break my heart. But I cant help it at the minute she is great and I just hope I get a chance with her. Maybe I need to talk to S about this.

Adult Life Sucks

Today has been boring, frustrating and on the whole pointless.

Work today was a total non-starter. I went in determined to do some productive work and move a step closer to finishing my doc (even if it was the smallest of steps). Within an hour it was obvious I wasn't going to get anywhere, set back after set back. I just couldn't concentrate and do what needed doing, I'm sure if I could have concentrated for 3 hours today I could have done what I wanted, but I just spent my time on BBC sport and checking my emails over and over again. Somebody who wasn't supposed to be a professional would be happy to just spend a day doing nothing, but I'm supposed to be my own boss and make self-determined progress.

But that's not the real reason that I'm feeling down. I think its because work is such a big part of my life, some if not most days I don't talk to anybody outside of work, I spend 10 maybe 12 hours there a day because the ways I could spend my time are depressing. Going to the gym is all well and good, but it should be a chore not the highlight of your day. Watching TV or going to the cinema on my own are just too depressing. I just hope day soon I have either some proper friends here or maybe a girlfriend to spend a few nights a week with, and eventually I just hope I have a wife and a family and settle down to be normal.

At the minute my life consists of a few repetitive activities:

1: Work. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But on the whole I rarely wake-up and think "oh shit I don't want to go to work"
2: W**king. Just a habit to maintain my sanity and make sure I don't have to sit at work with a erection.
3: Gym. I enjoy this. But my real motivation is the hope that I'll get thin and fit and pull girls and get laid.
4: DVDs. I always seem to end the day watching blackadder or extras on my laptop whilst lying in bed. This is good and helps my sanity as it is perfectly normal.

Is life all bad?? No of course it isn't, but it seems that once a few things go wrong in a day i collapse into "Life is F**king Shite". Its something I need to overcome. Counting down the days and wishing My life away just because I don't have a girlfriend or anybody to socialise with is totally wrong.

I need to sort it out. I should "work hard and play hard" but life seems to be a blur and I'm always knackered. I think I need to move into a place with some sociable people and start doing stuff outside of work.

Chin up solider, it ain't all bad.